Random Midnight Thoughts

It’s late, close to midnight.  And I’m wide awake, maybe a little stoned, and having the desire to write.  So here I am.  Today in therapy we talked about my comedian self and my doubting, adolescent self.  I had a conversation with myself, first being the doubting 14 year old, then the comedian self.  It was very revealing.  Especially when my therapist pointed out HOW I was relating from one to the other.  I was gentle and accepting.  Just how I, as both parts, want to be accepted.  Like I said, very revealing.

My therapist also told me that she’s leaving, moving to another city on another coast.  That was shocking news.  And not so coincidentally, I’d only just an hour previously, been talking to my friend about how much I liked my shrink.  And how she’s not sick of me yet, nor I of her!  Ha ha, the joke’s on me.

I’m sad to say goodbye to her.  I’ve really come to like her.  It hasn’t fully sunk in yet, I don’t think.  We finish in four to six weeks, she said.  Damn.

Thoughts… December 2014

After so many years of being on this earth, I’ve come to the conclusion that life is about sharing our stories. We each have a need to share, to connect with one another. And that’s a good thing, for we are all connected when you think about it.

Birthday Poem 10/14/14

I’ve seen many seasons
I’ve lived many years
I’ve had several sorrows
Shed so many tears.

As well, there’s been laughter
And joy and great fun!
This life I am living
One day will be done.

I try to be mindful
I try to be kind
I hope that I leave here
With Goodness behind.

Remembering Robin Williams… 9/9/2014

images (1)  There’s going to be a tribute on PBS tonight, but I wanted to give my own here.  Robin Williams was a genius comedian.  And a generous, lovely person.  I’d seen him on television and at the movies, and twice live at Bimbo’s, where he was phenomenal!!  I only ‘met’ him once and this is my story.  He had asked where to go for an open mic in SF so he could work on some new stuff.  Dirty Trix was recommended to him by my friend Coree Spencer.  Dirty Trix is (or was) on the site of what used to be the Holy City Zoo, where Robin began many years ago.  So he went.  And he performed to a bunch of elated comics, but I missed it.  Then word got out that he was coming back.  I went this time.  And I had a spot right in front.  He blew the roof off the place that night!  He was hilarious.  We all, every last comic there, knew brilliance when we saw him on that stage performing.  And when he left, he had to pass right by me.  I brazenly stuck out my hand into his and said Thank you!  We shook hands though he didn’t look at me.  That was okay.  I had touched the  magic that was Robin Williams.  He had made us laugh and I was able to thank him personally.

It’s not much of a story… but it’s mine.

Another time at the Throckmorton Theatre, I sat in front of him and Mort Sahl.  I would sneak little peaks at him, but didn’t want to intrude on his privacy.  Not there.

Like many in these past weeks, I find it hard to believe that someone with such brilliance to make people laugh could have been so depressed.  I’m sorry that we didn’t know.  The world lost a shining light when he left us.

Thank you, Robin Williams, for being here, for being you.


Depression… 5/22/2013…

Depression has been hanging around lately, making my life more miserable than usual.  I say this tongue in cheek, cause I know I’m pretty fortunate – I have a roof over my head, food on the table, & people I care about.  Plus, something I love to do.  Comedy & writing.  But it doesn’t come easy.  And I don’t know why now?  Therapists & doctors ask me, What’s the trigger?  What happened recently to make you feel so depressed & suicidal?  I don’t know what to tell them.  It’s many things.  It’s many things for a long time.  And I don’t know which is the straw breaking this camel’s back.

Anyway, not to get too down about it.  I know that everyone suffers in some way, shape or form.  That’s why we’re here.  Or so I believe.  No, not to suffer, but to learn & grow.  And yes, life’s a bitch, cause it’ll keep sending you the same shit until you finally get it.

I don’t have any answers or words of wisdom today.  Perhaps just to say, reach out & connect.  That seems to help me.  And when all else fails & you think you can’t go any further, take a fucking nap.