3/17/2013…

Happy St. Patrick’s Day.  I suppose I should be wearing green – everyone’s Irish today, right?  I’m remembering a St. Patrick’s Day way back when in NYC.  I was coming home from work and it was around 4pm.  I got out of the subway holding a box of cupcakes left over from work.  There were tons of people on the street and half of them drunk already.  I slammed right into one of New York’s finest and he bashed the box I was carrying.  I was none too happy right then.  I was so surprised, too, cause I was pretty sure he’d been drinking along with everybody else.

 

12/21/2012… now what?

So, the world did not end.  It’s raining, but that’s hardly a cause for concern.  Unless I see Noah heading to the lumber yard, I’m thinking we’re okay.

I never considered that it might end.  I know it will someday, not only for me in this life, then somewhere long down the road, for the planet itself.  But it’s a curious thing to be thinking about this morning.  What if the world had ended last night?  Then what?  And now that it, so far, hasn’t ended, what do we do about continuing?  Perhaps it’s time for a new start as some are saying.  It wasn’t the ending the Mayans were talking about – it’s the beginning.

We could certainly use a new awareness & consciousness in this world.  I think for me, this means looking at the big picture.  Not getting caught up in the day to day mishegos & living life with blinders on, only seeing what’s directly in front of me.  There’s so much more to it.  It’s hard sometimes.  Often.  It’s often hard.  Depression can be like that.  Robbing you of joy.  Stealing your motivation.  Making it seem like this is all there is & it’s pretty shitty, at that.

Deep down – and when I’m feeling okay – I don’t believe that.  The Universe is so much bigger, much more complicated, than we can ever imagine.  And everything matters.  Even the smallest gesture of love.

12/17/2012… what’s wrong with this picture?

It saddens me that so many people can hate so much & spew that racist hatred about POTUS on Twitter.  This morning I read far too many Tweets from TV viewers who were upset with President Obama for interrupting their Sunday football game.  And how dare he want to bring solace to a mourning community & country – when the Patriots are playing!  I just don’t get it.

There was a terrible tragedy in Newtown, CT – a mass shooting – & the lives lost there & the lives affected by this massacre are not even registering on these sports enthusiasts’ minds.  WTF?!

If you’re gonna be mad, be mad about the killings.  Be angry that the laws are too lax or aren’t being enforced, allowing someone with mental problems to obtain guns.  Be angry that assault weapons are for sale to the public!  There is no reason for anyone to need an assault rifle that fires over 100 rounds/minute.  Instead of just talking about gun laws, people, let’s do something.  C’mon Congress… you can do this.

 

MOTN 11/28/2012

Once again, insomnia rears its nasty head.  I just talked about these sleepless nights with my doctor and she said, Don’t do that.  Think she meant don’t take naps during the day.  And probably, don’t allow your cat to get you up in the middle of the night to be fed.

Only this time, it was me just waking up.  Not the cat.  In fact, I woke her up.

I try to go back to sleep but it doesn’t always work.  So then I get up and write or read or play on the computer.  Tonight I did all three.

Well… cheerio.  WTF?  Who says cheerio at 2am?  I heard it on NCIS tonight and it stuck in my head.  ‘night.

MOTN 11/17/2012

Can’t sleep.  Hungry.  Thinking about the night’s events & how I made people laugh – even when I wasn’t feeling particularly up, myself.  But laughter is good medicine.  Somebody said that once.  Think it was a section in Reader’s Digest from my yout(h).

 

Morning 11/09/2012

Just got a wrong number phone call & the man said, I’m very, very, very sorry.  And he sounded it, too.  I wanted to hug the guy.  It’s okay, it happens.  But I did appreciate his politeness.

Reminded me of how I always say I’m sorry.  I’m sorry for not knowing what to do.  I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.  I’m sorry I can’t pay you back right now.  I’m sorry for being me.  Not the highest self-esteem on the block, have I?

But it makes me wonder why I’m always sorry.  It’s got to be some issue from childhood.  Don’t you think?  I’m no psychotherapist but I’ve been to enough to know this sort of thing starts early. 

Yeah, go ahead, Loren.  Blame it on your parents.  They did the best they knew how. 

I know.  I’m sorry.

Don’t let it happen again.

Okay.

And don’t write posts when you haven’t had much sleep, cause they’re neither insightful or funny.  They really are gonna lock you up someday & throw away the key.

I know.  I’m….

 

MOTN 10/19/2012

Can’t sleep.  The desk lamp & computer screen hurt my eyes.  All kinds of feelings coming up, but i prefer to focus on the 1 1/2 avocados rotting away in the fridge.  I tried to eat them but they got ripe too fast.  Is that a metaphor for something in my life?  Aging avocados… you are a mystery.  Avocado… why don’t you come to your senses?  And let somebody eat you before it’s too late.